The Power of "Little" Things

This morning I praise you Lord for the little things in my marriage.  I see you in all of them!

LITTLE THING 1)  We had freezing rain this morning so I told Dave I was going to take Liem, our oldest, to school instead of having him walk.   (He usually walks since we live right behind his high school.)  After we said our goodbyes, Dave comes back a few minutes later to tell me he had warmed up his truck, cleaned the ice off the windshield and wanted me to drive it.   I didn't even ask, nor was I even thinking about it. I was too busy whipping up PB&J's and BLT's for the boys for lunch.   I just had to zap myself out of my frantic lunch making mode to give him a hug and kiss and tell him how much that was appreciated.

LITTLE THING 2) A couple of weeks ago, I passed out on the couch after a long night of studying.  The following morning, I semi-woke up to Dave adjusting the blanket to cover my exposed leg.  It was beyond trivial for him to do, but so incredibly sweet and thoughtful.  I honestly don't even know if I would have done the same if I saw his big ol' foot stinking out of the blanket!   Unfortunately, I was too out of it to even say thank you.  But I'm glad I still remember.  (So Honey, if you're reading this, "Thank You!")

LITTLE THING 3) Another, passing out from studying story....only this time I was carried upstairs to bed!

To me, nothing about any of these is "little".  But I can see how "little" things in our marriage can be taken for granted, overlooked or not attempted.  I share these stories for many reasons.

1) To journal this for me to remember.
2) To praise God for them.
3) To encourage us to look for the little things our husbands do and thank them verbally and physically.
4) To encourage us to look for little things we can do as well for our men

The reason why I am so grateful for the little things is because they have saved my marriage.  Through God's miracle intervention and little things, Dave and I were able to revive an ugly, broken, and near-dead marriage.

So what can we do?  Little things like:

• not saying a single word to retaliate
• giving him the last slice of bacon
• making him coffee
• asking him questions about his hobby/sport (that you really up to this point have no interest in)
• maybe wear something a little less practical and more appealing to bed a couple nights a week instead of your pink puppy pajamas (hmm. I need to think about that one! I love my puppy jammies!!!)
• or just sit down and HAVE A CONVERSATION with him (you may TALK to him everyday, but when was the last time you two had a CONVERSATION?)

These are all little things I plan on doing within the next few days.  Sisters, there's always time to woo our husbands.  The world and media are doing to good of a job at it.  But the greatest impact and what your husband desires and needs is what YOU offer. Start today with the "little" things.  You will find, like all things, they add up.

If you are in a flat or struggling marriage or separated from your husband and feel this twisted knot in your gut that your life is so warped right now, please let me encourage you and offer you a source of hope.  You may not have loving feelings towards your husband, but at the same time, you don't like where you're at.  I too was in this very same position. I hated my relationship with my husband.  I didn't want to be anywhere near him.  I wanted him out of my life and had a thousand reasons to justify it.  I did everything possible under the sun to rid myself of this miserable relationship.  I attempted to build a life apart from him.  On the outside, everything was good.  However, there was a numbing in my soul that was not recognizable during this time until God helped me make things right with Dave.  The peace and fulfillment that came from it, helped me to understand why I felt half alive the whole time.  In 1998, I told God I was going to love this man who I was madly, deeply in love with and couldn't keep my hands off of, that I was going to love him as I loved myself, in sickness, in health, for richer, for poorer, til death do us part.  Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that.  I believe it too was the "little" things.  A little rolling of the eyes, shaking of the head, a comment here, a jab there and a few years down the road, I was disgusted and distant while he was angry. When our marriage broke, we as individuals broke.  No wonder I was numb and half alive.  I had disconnected myself from my other half.  Trying to go 100% on 50% is not possible.

So whether you are happily married, miserably married or just going through the motions, YOU CAN HAVE MORE! THINGS CAN BE BETTER. Repeat, YOU CAN HAVE MORE....THINGS CAN BE BETTER!   And not just better, but RICHER. You know the kind of feeling you have when you eat a rich slice of cheesecake or chocolate cake and you immediately close your eyes and say "mmmm"?  Yes, that kind of rich.  When you completely surrender to God's love and will for your life, the blessings that come truly makes your soul close its eyes and say "mmmm"!  I promise!  I am not any more special than you.  God doesn't love me any more than you.  I didn't do anything special to earn this.  In fact, at my lowest and darkest moments, I wanted nothing to do with God.   Today, I, along with my marriage, and life are just products of God's love, grace and His Spirit working in every nook and cranny.

Because He did this for me, it is my passion to intercede for marriages that are hurting or stalling.  I have done absolutely nothing to deserve the beauty and life that surrounds me today.  To go from the shameful, dark, and painful past to where I am now IS ONLY THROUGH GOD'S AMAZING GRACE AND POWER. There IS a God. You can find Him in your MARRIAGE if you surrender it to Him.  You can find Him in your LIFE if you surrender it to Him.   You know what, I have never been a person to argue about God or prepare strong points to prove He exists.  No need to! My life, my marriage, who I am and the quality of every relationship I have is proof enough.  It's ALL HIM!

Are you ready and willing for God to take you, your marriage, your life and make it better TODAY?  READY? SET? SURRENDER!

Lord, I thank you for this opportunity to share your glory in the little things you have done.  I pray for my sister as she takes in what was shared just now.  Will you please take everything she has to offer you today and mold her, her life, her marriage into your image and glory.  Wipe out all her regrets, failures and mistakes.  Wipe out all the hurt and pain that was inflicted on her.  Give her a new start and a new heart.  Fill her with a desire to spend more time with you and to know you more.  Let her see you in her marriage.  Give her a heart to love, serve and minister to her husband.  Let her relationship with you be contagious to everyone in her life, especially her husband and children.  Show her the little things she can implement today to restore and strengthen her marriage.  Let her love the way you love; blindly with no conditions and no limit.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.

My Love is Not Enough.

Lord, I'm not asking you to help me be a better wife.  I'm not even asking you to help me be more understanding or loving.  I just want and ask you to love my husband through me. Use me.  Show me everything that is hindering your love and eliminate them to make room for you to work.  

The past couple of months have been an entire whirlwind.  Losing the most influential man in my life and going back to school that very same week have made the weeks seem like minutes and days seem like minutes.  Love on my husband? Where's the time for that?  There are dirty dishes, three piles of unfolded laundry, clean dishes to empty from the dishwasher, and dirty ones waiting to go in.  At this minute, on my living room floor there are toys, pencils, a roll of scotch tape, a leftover Christmas ornament, junk mail, a coloring book, a pair of worn socks, pieces of a railroad track and much much more waiting to be picked up.  Let's not even mention the two pass-or-fail mid-terms I need to study for for this week.  

So, Lord, when you ask me to  love on my husband.  How am I supposed to do that when there are so many things piled on top of each other toppling over as we speak?  

When dad died, I couldn't believe how such a man could live such an amazing life, do so many amazing things (you should read his timeline on my Facebook tribute page The Life, Love and Legacy of Howard Hjelm) yet continue to BE every bit as amazing and more.  I couldn't understand it. In fact, I felt discouraged for the rest of us.  I felt discouraged for me, as I looked at how puny my life's achievements and outreach were compared to his. 

Two days after a verse mentioned in a sermon shook up my world-- Galations 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."  Let me tell you, I know this verse backwards and forwards.  I had a bookmark of it as a little girl.  But that day, God breathed life into it.  It was so powerful that the next seven days, God lead me to lead FIVE individuals to commit their lives to Him.  Three middle school girls, a girlfriend and my mom! Yes, my mom!  For those of you who love the Lord and have family members who don't know Him, you know how amazing this is!  He didn't have to set it up that way.  The verse itself was powerful enough for me.  But since He is REAL and such an amazing teacher, He wanted me to apply this and see it work in EVERYTHING in my life.  

So fast forward a couple months later today, we are here and I was perplexed and quite frustrated honestly.  How am I supposed to love on my husband when there are so many things piled on top of each other toppling over as we speak? Perplexed, frustrated and ready to throw my hands up, His Spirit whispers so softly, simply yet profoundly to my numb skull question, "I will love him THROUGH YOU. Let ME do it.  Let ME love him THROUGH YOU." 

Bam! Galations 2:20!  My sisters, do you see?  Do you see, that we CAN'T do a single thing that is meaningful and life-changing without Him?  Not even love?  Yes, we love.  We are creatures of love.  But can we possibly love like God? Let's be honest.  No.  Not on our own.  So then why do we attempt to love on our own efforts in the most sacred relationship designed for us to have on earth?  

So, let's invite Him to work in us and our marriage.  Try this. Say this prayer. Open yourselves up.  Offer Him a clean canvas to work a masterpiece:  

Lord, love my husband through me. Use me. Show me everything that is hindering your love and eliminate them to make room for you to LOVE THROUGH ME.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.   

Go forth and G2:20 Love your husbands today!  I wanna hear some stories!! So please share when you get the chance!